Lucretia Garfield: Patience Pays Off

It is horrible to be a man. But the grinding misery of being a woman between the upper and nether millstone of household cares and training children is almost as bad. To be half civilized with some aspirations for enlightenment, and obliged to spend the largest part of the time the victim of young barbarians keeps one in a perpetual ferment.

– Lucretia Garfield to James Garfield, June 5, 1877

The above quote was the only thing I knew of Lucretia Garfield before I read Crete and James: Personal Letters of Lucretia and James Garfield edited by JohnShaw. I expected a bitter and complaining woman, but she really was not. She must have written this quote on a bad day!  She had plenty of opportunity in her life to be a bitter and complaining woman, but she choose patience and forgiveness which paid off to giving her a long happy life.



Lucretia Garfield was well educated in the classics and had been a college teacher of French, algebra, and Latin among other things before she married James. But after she married James and began to have children her time was spent in taking care of them and her household including James’ mother and some boarders from time to time. In their letters James and Lucretia reference a lot of classical literature that went way over my head.

The source of most of her need for patience and forgiveness was James himself. He had begun a correspondence with her and her letters were very affectionate and flowery. James and Lucretia talked of marriage, but in person Lucretia must not have been as affectionate. James ended up marrying her out of a sense of duty. What a way to start out! In their first 5 years of marriage, they only lived together for 20 weeks. Part of that time he fought in the Union army and part of that time he was campaigning but there was a lot of that time he was on trips for pleasure or to scope out some land for a friend. Or to visit a mistress. There were two affairs which Lucretia knew about that were mentioned in this book. In addition, there was a mutual friend with whom James spent a lot of time with on a particular visit home. Oh, at that mutual friend happened to be a boarder. Cormac O’Brien in Secret Lives of First Ladies alludes to more affairs. But Lucretia remains a steadfast spouse despite her lack of trust. A painful part of the correspondence to read was where Lucretia finally for the first time referred to herself as a trusting wife. This was after one affair had been discovered and broken off and just after the couple and been bonded together by experiencing the death of their 3 year old firstborn.  But what does James do right after this trusting comment?  While in Washington he begins another affair!

Lucretia finds out, James breaks it off, and Lucretia works again and forgiving and trusting.

At this point in the correspondence I am disgusted by James. How could he do that to his wife?

But the rest of their life is all uphill and by the end, I am amazed at their genuine love and respect for each other. The next jump start in their relationship is from a 4 month trip to Europe the two of them take together. Then James builds a home in Washington for the whole family and from then on they aren’t separated as much.

It’s interesting to read letters between a couple. It’s like being a fly on a wall eavesdropping in on a conversation. Although James makes a comment at one point wondering if anyone in the future would read their words to each other.

James Garfield is shot shortly after he is inaugurated as president in 1881 and suffers for a few months with Lucretia by his side before he dies.

Lucretia lives many more years until she passes away in 1918. Since this was a book of letters between them, the book ends in 1881, but according to firstladies.org Lucretia remains very active in her intellectual pursuits like literary circles and even designing and engineering things for her home in Ohio and her home in Pasadena, CA.

It would have been very easy for Lucretia to emotionally check out of her marriage. But she didn’t. She patiently stayed committed and chose to forgive and move forward. This paid off as she spent many years in a genuinely warm and loving marriage which was both emotionally fulfilling and intellectually stimulating.

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Lucy Hayes: Setting the Stage for the Change from Ball Gown to Business Suit

 

If you asked someone today what a first lady does, they would probably mention a lady who tries to better America by picking a non-partisan social issue and being a spokesperson on that issue (think Just Say No with Nancy Reagan or childhood obesity with Michele Obama.) So far in my first lady readings, though, their role has been as hostess of receptions and parties at the White House. At what point and with which lady is that transition made from ball gown to business suit?



Lacy Hayes is certainly not that first lady, but through her first lady experience I can see that the stage is being set in the American public for a first lady with a platform. Lucy Hayes was a religious woman and she and Rutherford agreed on a temperance policy for their own family and home. They kept that policy in the White House and choose not to serve alcohol in the White House. The American Temperance movement was SO excited! With Rutherford’s election they thought they would certainly now have a national spokeswoman and really make some progress with their push for prohibition. To their great disappointment and despite their constant pleading, Lucy refused to join or lead any temperance group. She felt that her decision should not be pushed onto others. But she would be faithful to her personal convictions.

 

The leadership position Lucy did accept was after her White House days.  She became National President of Women’s Home Missionary Society of Methodist Episcopal Church. This role fit Lucy since she was devoted to the church. And although she left most of the work to the vice-president and periodically tried to resign, she did give speeches in this role. In 1888, her last speech before her death, her speech concerned the southern Negros “still in chains to the ignorance and vice of generations of bondage,” the crime against women in Utah (polygamy of the Mormons), the increase of immigrants, and the hardship and poverty of preachers in the wilderness areas. The Missionary Society was effective. There were 40,000 members and supported 42 missionaries.

 

Lucy had always been a person who lived her convictions. Her biography, First Lady: The Life of Lucy Webb Hayes by Emily Apt Geer, actually included an incident from her childhood. As a young school girl there were some German immigrants in her school. At recess the other children would pick on them and were mean to them but Lucy took them away from the other children and taught them to cut paper dolls. How brave! Living out what was right even if it was not what others were doing.

Rutherford and Lucy Hayes wedding portrait

 

Rutherford and Lucy had a happy, close marriage. Rutherford’s love letters and diary entries are delightful! They had mutual friends and knew of each other when Lucy was a teen. Rutherford’s mother and sister bothered him about Lucy Webb and prodded him to get to know her. They spent some time together while Lucy was in college, but Rutherford was interested in someone else at the time. Then both Rutherford and Lucy were in a wedding party for mutual friends and that seemed to jump start their romance. Rutherford wrote great love letters and also delightful diary entries. For example: “I guess I am a great deal in love with- Her low sweet voice…her soft rich eyes…intellect she has, too- a quick spritely one, rather than a reflective profound one-by George I am in love with her!” Lucy did not write near as much as Rutherford did but when she did it was sweet like “I must confess Dear R you are more frequently in my thoughts than I ever imagined possible… If only you knew what a great man you are.”

 

She had five children who lived past toddlerhood. Three boys were young adults by 1876 when the Hayes’ came to the white house. The other 2, a girl and a boy, were elementary schoolers.

Her family was her priority and her life. It was a happy and supportive family.

 

Lucy had a couple of firsts. She was the first first lady to graduate from college. She was the first to have a telephone and running water in the White House. She was also the first FLOTUS (so far as I can tell from biographies) to have her babies delivered by a doctor. That doctor was her brother!

 

In June of 1889, Lucy passed away of a stroke while she was sitting in her rocking chair sewing in their home. She was 57.

 

In Lucy’s life time I see that at least some of the American public is asking for the First Lady to have a platform or political project of her own. Although she did not do so as First Lady, she did have a leadership role in an organization after the White House. So I see the role of First Lady one step further away from the ball gown and towards the business suit approach to the modern first lady.

 

 

p.s. I bought my copy of the biography on betterworldbooks.com, a used copy. It was an ex-library book, but it was signed by the author and there was a newspaper photo taped to the back page of when the author came to this library and presented her new book to the library and gave a speech on Lucy Hayes. What a great used book find!

 

 

The Many Adventures of Julia Grant

  One of the funny things about reading through the first ladies in chronological order is the overlap of history that I get to read. Because each biography contains the person's whole life I read the same time period in history over and over again. This is the seventh time I have read through the Civil War, and I will read through it again a couple more times. However, Varina Davis and Julia Grant's life are the pinnacle of the Civil War. Both ladies led action-packed lives but Julia Grant's life was much happier mostly due to a marriage of two people in partnership which is something Varina Davis longed for but never got. Julia Grant was also able to bear up under criticism which again may partially be due to her partnership in marriage but also because Julia had had so much practice dealing with criticism. Julia was also always ready for the next adventure.  I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall and hear what these two ladies talked about when they befriended each other later in their lives when they were widows living in New York.  I like to picture Varina saying "Oh, Julia, you are so blessed to have had such a loving, attentive husband. That is what I longed for but it was not to be."

When Ulysses' Grant first came around Julia's family's place it was to visit her brother, a West Point classmate. Ulysses was scrawny and according the Julia's father wouldn't amount to anything. However, Julia and her mother saw something special in him. They thought he would become a great man. Julia's father would not be persuaded and he left the two young people hanging for years before he would give consent to be married. Julia was apparently her father's favorite and she knew how to deal with his critical tongue and how to whittle him down to get what she wanted. Dealing with criticism is something she had to deal with her whole life and I believe this early practice was beneficial to her in preparing her for the public. After Ulysses had been gone fighting for many years away from his wife he just couldn't stand being apart anymore.He retired from military service and farmed including clearing his land and hauling the wood to town to sell. Many men looked down on the Grants at their farming and place in life. They were very poor, but very happy! Again, they pressed on against criticism for what they wanted. When Ulysses rejoined the military, and worked his way up to General there was even more criticism this time in the public realm in the media. His time in the White House is of course surrounded by critics. Even after Ulysses' death Julia continued to fight criticism. For example, Dr. Douglas who nursed Ulysses in his last months later ended up in a charity hospital. There was lots of media criticism of Julia. How could she let this dear doctor go to a charity hospital? Why didn't she pay for his care? (Side note: There was a brief mention of Dr. Douglas's wife setting up a boarding house in Bethlehem, PA, which is close to my home. I've got the South Bethlehem Historical Society on the case tracking down the house.)

Although the criticism effected Julia and she paid attention to what her family, her neighbors, and later the media were saying, the criticism never paralyzed her or utterly defeated her like it did to some other first ladies. This may be due to the fact that she was used to it. And she and Ulysses supported each other. They seemed like they were best friends who confided in each other and supported each other. That kind of support and intimacy in your marriage can outweigh the naysayers outside your home.

Julia Grant

The other thing that struck me about Julia Grant was her love of adventure! When she and Ulysses were first courting they loved to ride horses together through the woods of her family's property. They even happened upon an injured slave on one of their rides and jumped right into the role of first responder caring for the slave and even visiting him later to see that he was healing well. When Ulysses' fought in the Civil War, Julia stayed with him in the army camps as much as she could. 

Most adventurous of all was the Grant's world tour after their two terms in the White House. Other presidents had certainly visited Europe before, but this was much more. After Europe they visited Egypt, Middle East, India, China, Japan, and were thinking about visiting Australia but decided against it and went to California slowly making their way back east. They were gone for two years and were treated like royalty with big parties and receptions wherever they went. The American press closely followed their trip. No one had done anything quite like this before and they loved it all! Julia had a love for new experiences and adventure which I admire. Again, her happy marriage made this adventure possible and pleasant. If you didn't enjoy the company of your spouse there is no way you would want to travel around the world for two years limited to only his company.

The biography I read of Julia was The General's Wife by Ishbel Ross. The book accurately told the story of their lives but lacked historical reflection on Julia's significance as a First Lady. As the title suggests, the author mostly concentrated on Julia as a military wife, although even that lacked historical reflection. The most compelling biographies  give a complete look at the whole person, flaws and all. This book simply told the story. 

First Lady of the Confederacy; Varina Davis's Civil War by Joan Cashin

I don't have a car horn that plays "Dixie" and I don't hang a confederate flag in my upstairs window as a curtain so why did I choose to read a biography of the First Lady of the Confederacy?

Varina Davis's name kept popping up in the biographies of the first ladies that I've read so far! The first time I read her name was in Julia Tyler's biography And Tyler, Too. Varina and Julia were in the same social circles in Richmond when it was the confederate capital. Varina called Julia "my beautiful step mother." (Tyler's grandson married Varina's younger sister.) Julia sent Varina gifts of shoes and clothing for her and her children while Jefferson Davis was imprisoned post-war. 

Jefferson Davis had married Zachary Taylor's daughter but after only three months of marriage Sarah Knox Taylor Davis died. Years later, when the Taylor's were in the White House, Senator Jefferson Davis and Varina were in Washington DC, and were very close with the family including the reclusive Margaret Taylor. Varina was even at President Taylor's bedside when he died in office.

Joan Cashin in First Lady of the Confederacy: Varina Davis's Civil War also noted that Varina had a relationship with Jane Pierce. And later in life as a widow and living in New York, Varina struck up a friendship with the widowed Julia Grant. 

Before reading her biography I assumed Varina would have been enthusiastic about the confederacy and her husband's work and cause. But now I see Varina as a dutiful, loyal wife who publicly embodied the quote from another civil war era woman "my husband is my country." 

Varina married Jefferson Davis while she was young and became a plantation mistress. She felt lonely in her home at Natchez, Mississippi and Jefferson was often gone on political trips. The happiest times in Varina's life was her time in Washington DC as a Senator's wife. Varina was well-educated, well-read, and a witty conversationalist. People from all parties enjoyed spending time with her. Since Jefferson Davis was more boss to Varina than companion, she relied on the women friends she made in this time in her life for the rest of her life regardless of whether they were Northern or Southern.

Varina had Northern roots. Her grandfather Howell was the first governor of New Jersey and she was schooled in Philadelphia. She remained close to her northern relations.

There are hints in her early letters that she did not agree with succession and thought it was a hopeless cause. There are other places in her letters where she supports the confederacy. But really, what choice did she have? It would not do to have the First Lady unsupportive of her husband and her country. What else could she do but put on her public duty face and press on?

Even if he wasn't the president, the husband Jefferson Davis would not had been easy to support. He did not consult her about anything in life like where they would live, children's schooling, etc. She just had to wait for his instructions and then follow them. As a second wife she lived in the shadow of his "perfect" first wife. Post-war Varina was in England with the children while Jefferson had gone back to the south to find work, something that was hard for him to do. In the meantime he began an adulterous affair and continued to put off bringing Varina back to the states! She could do nothing but wait for his instructions to come which he was not in a hurry to do. When this affair fizzled out on the woman's part, Jefferson decided to write his memoirs and did so while living in a rich widow's home while she acted as his personal secretary. Finally Jefferson brought Varina home...to live with him in the widow's house! How awkward! Yet through all of this Varina remained loyal to him. There is no hint she had any attachment or attraction to any other man. 

I read in a foreword to a Robert Frost book that to have an idea is different from entertaining an idea. Varina seems to have had ideas contrary to a woman's typical role in her time and place, but it didn't seem like she entertained or fully developed her ideas and beliefs. For example, as a plantation mistress she had written to someone that she thought it would be better to treat slaves with kindness. Wow! What if she would have entertained that idea? She might have ended up an abolitionist! But I can understand her predicament: what was the point if she could not act on her own ideas and thoughts but was limited to living out her husband's ideas and beliefs?

Varina as a widow writing for Joseph Pulitzer in New York

After Jefferson Davis died in 1889, Varina moved to New York. She supported herself by writing for Joseph Pulitzer, her friend. The rest of her days, Varina defended herself against angry confederates who were appalled that the First Lady was living in the North! She defended herself explaining that she needed to support herself and in New York was where the writing jobs were. 

In 1900, she was assigned to an article on Ulysses Grant. The article gave her opportunity to publicly declare that the south should not have succeeded and could have worked with the Union for state's rights. And that God in his wisdom allowed the North to win the war. Freed of her husband-country, towards the end of her life, Varina courageously, publicly declared her own ideas and thoughts! 

Varina remained in New York until her death in 1906. 

Eliza Johnson

I finally got the book, Eliza Johnson in Perspective by Jean Choate! Happy birthday to me from my parents!

It was fun to hunt down a copy, though. I even emailed the author to see if she had any copies, but she had sold out last fall. It was interesting to find out when I googled the author that she is also a pastor’s wife! All along I have noticed how similar a position first ladies and pastor’s wives have so it is interesting to have an biographer have that perspective while writing.

As a pastor’s wife, one of my favorite opportunities is to do premarital counseling with couples before my husband marries them. We think it’s helpful to the couple to offer both a husband and wives’ perspective. And although we by no means have it all together, I like to pass along what I wish I had known before I got married.

If first ladies had to do premarital counseling, I would most like to see Eliza Johnson in that role. She seemed perhaps the most “normal” wife so far and in the little we know about her, she seemed to have been a down-to-earth, hard-working, loving, wife, mom, and grandmother.  From reading her biography, I can picture what advice she would pass on to a new bride.

Here is what I think Eliza Johnson would say:

• “Believe in your husband. Be his biggest cheerleader.” When Eliza and Andrew were first married they were young and poor. They lived in Tennessee in a two room home. The front room was Andrew’s tailor shop and the back room was their living quarters. Eliza was the more educated and while Andrew sewed, she read to him so he could become an educated person.

Through talking politics with men who would hang out in his tailor shop, Andrew became interested in debating. Although he was not a student, he gained permission to join a debating club at nearby Greeneville College every Friday night which was a four mile walk. I’m sure that was a sacrifice for Eliza to be on her own with the kids in the evening after Andrew was working all day, but she supported her husband and encouraged him to grow as a person and develop his strengths. Later, as a political candidate, Andrew was known for his speaking ability.

Eliza was also Andrew’s cheerleader through his impeachment trial. When the news of his acquittal came to her, “tears welled in her eyes, but her voice did not tremble.” She cried “I knew he would be acquitted, I knew it.”

• “Be frugal. Avoid debt. Work hard at home.” As Andrew’s political career grew, he was often absent from home. But Eliza was faithful at managing the family accounts in addition to her regular chores of sewing, cooking, gardening, raising the children, and also being in charge of their slaves (pre-Civil War). Through their hard work and frugality they were able to expand their property. Although they had started out married life with nothing, a little more than twenty years into their marriage, they had an estate worth $50,000.

Eliza must have been a good cook and taught her daughters and her slaves how to cook. Her daughters, Martha and Mary, served as White House hostesses and were known for their attention to food. (Eliza also put in her thoughts on what the White House staff should serve for dinner. The Johnsons were also the first to provide the White House staff with lunch.)

The first slave the Johnson’s bought was a 14 year old named Dolly. Eliza taught also taught her how to cook. After the Civil War, Dolly made her living by selling pies out of Andrew’s old tailor shop.

• “Be respectful to your husband especially in public.” Andrew Johnson had a temper. He also had jobs that were beyond stressful.  It was said that the thing that could calm him down was Eliza gently laying her hand on his shoulder and quietly saying, “Andy.” She didn’t tear him to shreds in public like Mary Lincoln would to her husband, but just gently used her influence so he could continue to show his good side. We can also tell that she was respectful to Andrew because he relied on her to tear out newspaper clippings for him to keep him informed. This respect Andrew had for Eliza would not have been there if she did not respect him. This respect for each other also set the tone for the whole family. In the White House years, their daughters and their families also lived there and the three families lived together without friction!

Only one letter survives between Eliza and Andrew and it was written in 1863 when he was in Washington and she in Tennessee. He closes the letter by wishing Eliza will “accept for yourself the best wishes of a devoted husband’s heart.” Andrew’s devotion to her was developed over the years of their marriage in which Eliza encouraged him, worked hard at home, and gave him respect. All are lessons any wife could use to draw their husband close with a devoted heart.

Scalloped Oyster's While I'm Waiting...

So I am at a First Ladies book stand still and have been for months. I am ready to read Eliza Johnson, but the book I wanted cannot be found for less than $55 and more commonly for about $90. That price is a little too much for me, so I tried the library. However, the book is not in any public library in the state of Pennsylvania!

So I bought a biography of Andrew and Eliza Johnson jointly, but after reading one hundred of it's six hundred pages, I discovered it's not really about Eliza at all. She is only mentioned here and there, but there was no in-depth information on her. I gave up on that book.

Next I emailed the author of the book I do want and she replied that she was sorry but had sold her last copy last fall.

So now I am just waiting for my birthday (which is this Saturday) in hopes it will turn up (or at least some birthday money will!)

In the meantime, I was hungry for some First Ladies action, so I turned to Mary Lincoln's section of the First Ladies Cookbook and whipped up her Scalloped Oysters. Molly, my 4 year old, was my assistant cook for this recipe. I thought that was appropriate since Mary Lincoln was often called Molly.

Here's Molly with the can of oysters.

We buttered a shallow pan and layered crushed cracker crumbs on top. Next Molly layered some oysters on top. The recipe called for a dozen fresh oysters, but we opted for canned.

She is not quite sure about the squishy texture!

Next we mixed the oyster liquor, cream, salt, and pepper. The recipe called for sherry, too, which we did not have. Then we poured the mixture over the oysters and crackers in the pan.

We baked it in the 425 oven for 15 minutes until golden. What did it taste like? Oysters baked with crackers. It had a very smushy texture which would have been different if we used fresh oysters. Then it would have been rubbery and smushy, I guess. I can imagine it would have been a treat to eat this at the White House since oysters were not an everyday food. 

Mary Lincoln: Potential for Power

Some First Ladies strongly dislike that their husband is in politics and wish they would have stayed with another profession. But some First Ladies relish the position of their president-husband. Mary Lincoln, Mrs. President or the Republican Queen, is an example of the latter. She craved power herself as demonstrated by her unbridled tongue. But she had the potential for much more power had she chosen kindness over commands.

She certainly had power over Abe Lincoln. Her sharp tongue and explosions had power over him for the negative. If only she would have tapped into the power of her support and affection for him, maybe Abe Lincoln could have held his head up higher and at least knew he had one person who supported him in this divided nation. But instead, Mary unleashed the fury of her tongue. For example, she berated him in front of a room full of soldiers. She threw a fit because Abraham would not agree to a political patronage she wanted and she refused to escort him out until he gave her her way.  Once, President Lincoln was invited to attend a political event and was assured he would not have to speak. However the crowd cheered him so, that he finally rose to his feet and gave a short unprepared speech. The crowd was pleased, but when the event was over Mary berated him on the way back to their carriage saying “That was the worst speech I have ever heard! I wanted the earth to sink and let me through!”



 Even before their marriage she held great power over him. Once Mary graduated from Madam Mentrelle’s boarding school, she moved from Kentucky to Springfield, Illinois to live with her sister. There she meets and falls in love with Abe Lincoln. They were engaged in 1840 but on Jan 1, 1841, Mary broke off the engagement. Lincoln took to his bed for six days afterwards! Finally after a friend set them up to meet again in 1842, they were reengaged and married in November of 1842. During their break up, Lincoln encouraged his friend Joshua Speed to go through with his own wedding despite his fears and later Speed would say that because his own marriage turned out happy, Lincoln was encouraged follow through marrying Mary despite his fears he would not be able to make her happy and well enough provided for.

Even though Mary was through and through the owner of Abe’s heart, she remained deeply jealous of Abraham Lincoln and any attention he gave to any other woman. Before the Lincolns, the president would escort a prominent lady into dinner on his arm while the First Lady followed escorting a prominent male guest. But Mary would not have it! She changed the promenade order to assure the President and his wife came into together first in the promenade. The First Lady’s following Mary kept her tradition.



Mary Lincoln was sensitive about being so much shorter than Abe. She refused to have them photographed standing side by side. She always was sick of his joke that the couple was the "long and the short of it."



Mary’s emotional outbursts gave her much deserved criticism. But she also received a great deal of unwarranted criticism like the constant charge that she was a spy for the South for her Rebel brothers (really half-brothers). These rumors progressed so far that Abe Lincoln stood in front of a congressional hearing to say his wife was not leaking information to the South. These rumors were accompanied by lots of hate mail to Mary Lincoln at the White House, so much so that she asked the Clerk to open all mail addressed to her to be sure it was something she actually wanted to see herself.

If only she had let the public see the good things she did in secret, her visits to the soldiers in D.C., how she shared gifts of food and spirits meant for her use at the White House with these men. She had such potential for power over her reputation for the good yet missed the chance to share these good qualities with the public who only saw her lavish spending and southern, slave-holding family.

Perhaps part of why she craved power was because she had no control over the death that surrounded her.  Aside from having her husband assassinated while she was cuddled up to him at the theater, her mother died when she was 6 years old. As the daughter of a wealthy plantation owner, Mary was raised by Mammy Sally, the family’s slave. She also saw three of her four sons die: Ed at age 4 before the White House years, Willie at age 12 in the White House after a fever, and Tad at age 18 of typhoid after the White House years. Even those who did not like Mary Lincoln noted that she was an exceptional mother so these losses must have been devastating to her.



Abraham and Tad Lincoln





After the White House, Mary spent time traveling in Europe with Tad. Tad’s death seemed to have put her over the edge. Mary traveled from Florida back to Chicago to Robert, her remaining son, but wouldn’t stay in his home. She made him stay with her in a hotel even though he was married with a home of his own. She was paranoid that someone was trying to murder her, she didn’t drink her coffee because she was sure it was poisoned, she said an Indian was pulling wires out of her eyes and springs were in her head. She went on shopping sprees buying 17 pairs of gloves at once and spending thousands of dollars on things she didn’t need or use. Poor Robert trying to care for his wife, work, and his mother who needs to be looked after like a child! Finally, her doctor certifies her as insane and she is sent to live in the Doctor’s quarters in the asylum. After some months there, Mary lives with her sister for nine months until she is able to be responsible for herself again. The court lifts the insanity charge, gives her control of her finances, and Mary moves to Europe where she can live among strangers and have peace and quiet. This suits her very well until she is 60 and falls off a stepladder and injures her spine. She decides it is time to come home to her sister’s home and there she lives quietly until her death on July 16, 1882.

What a fighter! Mary’s whole life seems to have been a quest for power and control. My heart goes out to her in the deaths in her family, her insanity, and the criticisms hurled at her by our war torn nation. However, I cannot sympathize with her emotional outbursts and unkindness especially to her husband. If she would have chosen to be his cheerleader instead of tearing him down she would have unlocked a far greater power both in her marriage and in politics. As the saying goes, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

This post was written after reading Mary Lincoln: Wife and Widow by Carl Sandburg. Beautifully written! Both sensitive and informative.