How To Raise Boys: 6 Tips From Edith Roosevelt

How does a mom of boys parent her sons? This is not a new question. Edith Roosevelt, TR’s wife and the First Lady who brought us to the 20^th century, had four curious, adventurous boys.

How did Edith manage her boys? Here are 6 tips from Edith’s life:

 Let Dad play rough.

 Edith knew to let Dad play with the boys. Gifford Pinchot, the Chief Forester of the USA, came to visit when Teddy was Governor of New York State. When he arrived the mansion was “under ferocious attack from a band of invisible Indians, and the Governor was helping a houseful of children to escape by lowering them out of a second-story window on a rope.” After everyone was safe, Gifford and TR had a friendly boxing match, then they got down to discussing their business.

Theodore Roosevelt and his sons Ted Jr, Archie, Quentin, Kermit

 Give them space.

Edith was privileged to live in large places that provided outdoor space for her boys to play. But she also recognized that her husband needed space, too, which was hard to find at their home, Sagamore Hill, and at the White House when both were constantly swarming with things and people demanding his attention. So Edith purchased a wooded lot in Virginia far off the beaten path complete with a rustic cabin called Pine Knot. Unfinished inside and no road access, this cabin was little more than a roof over your head with a fireplace. And when the pressures of life were too much, the Roosevelts could retreat to the cabin with just their family. Of course, Edith secretly had Secret Service men hiding in the woods for protection, but Teddy didn’t know. He would have just said he didn’t need it. Edith knew not to tell him so he could keep sense of adventure.

Pine Knot, Roosevelt's rustic get away

 Major on the majors.

 Edith had lots of opportunities to choose her battles when it came to her son, Quentin, who was an elementary schooler while in the White House. Apparently in school, Quentin was doing things like dancing when coming into the classroom and drawing instead of doing math problems. The teacher had enough and asked the parents to come in for a conference. Teddy and Edith wrote to the teacher: “If you find him defying your authority or committing any serious misdeeds let me know and I will whip him…” but “I should not be called in merely for such offenses.” Edith had another chance to pick her battles when Kermit was five. During church, he pulled out a baby tooth. He was so excited, he held it up so everyone could see. Edith just pretended to be deep in prayer.

Edith and Quentin

 Let them have adventure. 

Quentin led a group of young boys in Washington who were called “The White House Gang.” They would climb on the White House roof and roll a snowball down onto a guard. They fired spitballs at Andrew Jackson’s portrait. They climbed magnolia trees on the White House grounds. They attacked TR with pillows during a sleepover. When Edith was hosting an Italian statesman for tea, Quentin and his gang hid in the skylight to spy on them. They began to mimic Italian while pretending to have a monocle. Edith heard them, looked up, and called “Quentin!” The Italian looked up in surprise and dropped his eyeglass into his tea. When her boys were older, she encouraged and allowed adventure on a grander scale. Teddy of course, had always been adventurer at his ranch out west. The boys were able to go along with dad various times for weeks at a time. After the White House years, Teddy and Kermit went on a National Geographic sponsored safari to Africa. As they pulled away for their year-long adventure, Kermit noted that Mom looked perfectly calm and self-possessed although he was sure that her heart was almost broken. Teddy and Kermit also went on a Brazilian expedition into parts that had not yet been explored along the Paraguay River. Kermit, who was working for the Brazilian railroad at the time was given 6 months off to join Dad on this adventure. Later they also went on a hunting expedition in Central Asia.

Roosevelt boys falling in line with the White House guards

Keep the lines of communication open. 

When her boys were away at school and later when they were around the world working and fighting in the military, she visits them and writes to them. Other first ladies have written to their children. But many look like lectures on paper. Edith writes with love and respect and gives advice gently as suggestion not as a demand. She speaks well of her husband to her children and he speaks well of her.  

"You cannot bring up boys to be eagles and expect them to turn out as sparrows". 

Grandchildren later noted that Edith often said this phrase, possibly to soothe her soul when the boys were in their military service. All four of her boys fought in World War I.  Perhaps this phrase also comforted her when she found out about the death of Quentin. He had been shot down behind enemy lines. Unfortunately, Edith went on to see two more of her boys die. Kermit struggled to be useful in the military throughout his adult life. He tried to self-medicate through alcohol. He finally ended the struggle by committing suicide in June of 1943.To protect her heart, Edith was told Kermit died of heart failure. Ted, Jr. was the oldest man at 56 to be in the first invasion wave on D Day. He died of heart failure in July 1944 as he was working from a mobile station planning the next attack on the Germans. He was buried with full military honors with General Patton as one of the pallbearers. Lieutenant Colonel Archibald Roosevelt fought well in World War I and II. He also actively tried to rid the U.S of socialism throughout the fifties and sixties. He died in 1979 at 85 years old.

Edith Roosevelt also raised her step-daughter Alice and her own daughter Ethel. She extended the same opportunities for adventure and independence to her girls, too. Balancing love and limits works for raising both boys and girls.

Edith lived almost thirty years after TR died in 1919. She died in 1948. Her widowhood years showed her own sense of adventure as she traveled the world both to visit her family and for vacations. She also procured Mortlake Manor for herself while keeping a tight rein on her investments and household expenses. She came through the Depression relatively unscathed although towards the end she had to tighten her purse strings and was not able to travel every single time the thought presented itself. She was wise in her household both towards the people in her care and towards the wealth with which she was entrusted.

Information from this blog is from Sylvia Jukes Morris’ biography Edith Kermit Roosevelt, Portrait of A First Lady. (Note: the following link is an affiliate link. Read the disclosure policy here.)

Ida McKinley: Part 1

I would have loved to go on a hike with young Ida McKinley. She could go for miles through rugged terrain.

After she returned from a school in Media, PA, she went back to Ohio to work in her father's bank. This was 1868! She was a teller and worked her way up to essentially being the branch manager. Her father technically was the manager, but he had full confidence in Ida and let her do the work!

young Ida Saxton

After she married the Major, as she called her husband, William McKinley, she had two beautiful daughters. Then tragedy struck this brave and ambitious young lady. Within a short time, her grand-mom, mom, baby, and preschooler all died. Then she fell and injured herself which resulted in periodic leg or spine trouble and epileptic seizures.

Through all this tragedy she became so dependent on the Major and in turn he became dependent on her and the work of caring for her himself.

Her personal tragedies continued. In 1901, McKinley was shot when he was President of the US and he was visiting at a fair. He died months later and Ida was devastated. For the first several years she stayed at home and pouted and begged people to come visit her.

Something seemed to shake her up after she was in an accident with a horseless carriage. After that time she began to come out of her home again and visit with family and friends, especially her great nieces.

Ida passed away May 26, 1907 eleven days before her sixtieth birthday. She had been sick with a cough which led to bronchitis which lead to influenza which led to a stroke.

Her life had been tragic and in moments when she felt well, she was participatory in the Major's political career. What could have been her impact if she had always been in good health emotionally and physically?

There was so much more to Ida's life explored in the excellent book by Carl Anthony. As all of his books are, this book was so well-researched and thorough both about Ida herself and also placing her in the context of her community and country. And it read like a cliff-hanger, the way he phrases each part of the story of her life.

I am looking forward this fall to visit the McKinley home in Canton, Ohio which houses the National First Ladies Library! I will post more about Ida when I return from the trip!

For the Love of Home and Country: Caroline Harrison

I couldn't help thinking while reading Caroline Lavinia Scott Harrison by  Anne Chieko Moore that Joanna Gaines from Fixer Upper would have just loved her. I can picture them hanging out together busily motioning to this wall and that wall while their remodeling ideas tumbled out of their mouths quicker than they could scratch it onto the parchment plans.

Caroline Harrison, First Lady

 By the time Caroline reached the White House in 1889 she had already run a successful home with servants in the center of Indianapolis social life. She also had spent 1881-1887 as a Senator’s wife hosting others in Washington D.C.

The White House was badly in need of expansion. The Harrisons’ brought her father, their two grown children and their spouses, their grandkids, Caroline’s sister and niece with them to the White House. This large family shared five bedrooms and one bathroom which was part of a hallway containing offices! Caroline worked on an expansion plan to present to the Congress. The plans passed the Senate, but not the House since the speaker was not a big fan of Harrison. Instead they gave an appropriation of $52,000 to remodel and redecorate. So Caroline remodeled Chip and Joanna Gaines style!

She arranged for contractors to come and fix up the rotting wooden floors and put in a new kitchen. She also had a master bath put in. The rat population was so bad that she had to call in a man with ferrets to get rid of them all. In addition, Ben and Caroline Harrison were the ones who put the first electricity in the White House which cost $13,450 and was installed by the Edison Company.

Caroline also was the first First Lady to take charge of decluttering and inventory. Before it was the steward’s role to decide what stayed or went. She started with the eight room attic and found some amazing treasures like a thirteen and a half foot mirror-lake which was a gift from Paris to James Monroe. She also found a desk that was given to President Hayes which she had restored for Ben Harrison to use. Later, JFK used the desk.  She also began an inventory of what was actually in the White House so the house was kept in proper order.

When she reached the basement she found lots of presidential china from years past. She began to take inventory and came up with the idea to display the china.  This china collection remains on display today.

In the midst of all this cleaning out and remodeling, Caroline also kept up with the day to day household chores of the White House. Her daily schedule:

6:00 AM Marketing with Baby McKee, her grandson, in tow

8:00 AM Breakfast with the family followed by Bible Reading and prayer lead by Ben Harrison

10:00-2:00 Caroline and the other ladies of the house would give tours to visitors and also entertain those who called

1:30 PM Lunch

6:30 PM Dinner which often included unexpected guests

A reporter commented on the fact that Caroline did her own marketing. Her reply: “Why certainly; always. How else could I expect to have things done to please me?”

She also applied her love of home to her home nation beginning several patriotic traditions such as The Pledge of Alliance, flying the flag on all government and public buildings, and standing during the National Anthem. In addition, Caroline was the first President General of the Daughters of American Revolution and presided over meetings held in the White House.

She was criticized in the press for being too domestic and having nothing better to do. But in reality she thrived and excelled domestically at the same time as paving the way for other women to succeed in other roles. For example, she was part of a group of women asked to fund raise for John Hopkins University’s new medical school. But the women said they would not fund-raise unless the school promised to admit women on equal footing as men to the new medical school.

She also read the newspapers and talked with Ben on political matters. She was well informed and involved.

Caroline’s confidence and competency in her homemaking role from her home in Indianapolis to the White House is inspiring to women today who desire to be available to those around her and make her home and country her first love.

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9 Facts About Frank

The story of America's youngest First Lady was well told in Frank: The Story of Frances Folsom Cleveland by Annette B. Dunlap. When you read it, you will have to decide for yourself if you think she really loved her much older husband. 

Here are 9 facts about Frank:

• Frances Folsom lost her father at the age of 10 and Cleveland was the administrator of her father’s estate. Cleveland and Folsom had been law partners and close friends. Cleveland even gave Frances her first baby carriage.

• Frances was well-educated at private schools and was fluent in several languages. She graduated from Wells College. She later became a board member and held the position for 50 years.

• At twenty-one she was married in a White House wedding to forty-eight year old Cleveland.

• Cleveland worked a lot and fished and hunted and often left his young bride by her lonesome. Through both terms of office she insisted they have a carriage ride together each afternoon although she had to pry him away from his desk to do so.

• The first term in office she was a young bride. The second term of office she was a mature woman and mother.

• Ever have a Baby Ruth bar? It’s named after the Cleveland’s first child. They had five children together. Sadly, Ruth died as a child from diphtheria.

• Frances was very active in the New York Kindergarten Association and brought the first kindergarten to the White House. Cleveland missed his chance to use this to his advantage politically. Frances also helped begin the organization that is now known as the Parent Teacher Association.

• After the second term in the White House, the Cleveland family moved to Princeton, NJ. Frank loved entertaining “the boys,” especially those whose home was far from the school.

• Grover Cleveland passed away in 1908.  Frank married again to Thomas Preston, Jr, a man closer to her own age. This marriage was full of mutual companionship. What a joy since she did not have that the first time around. Thomas even liked to knit and crochet with her! He also was intellectual like she was. He was an archaeology professor at Princeton. 

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Ellen Arthur: " A Woman Jane Austen Would Have Understood"

Having recently finished reading Dear Mr. Knightley in which the main character compares everyone she meets to characters from classic literature, mostly Jane Austen's work, it was fun to see this comparison brought out in a First Lady biography.



Ellen Arthur, who doesn't have her own biography, is described in Gentleman Boss: The Life of Chester Alan Arthur by Thomas Reeves, as "a woman Jane Austen would have understood." Why? Because her world revolved around her family and she was cheery and proper.



Ellen was the only child of a southern aristocrat, haughty and domineering mother and a father who was a sea Captain who had explored the entire Amazon river. When her father died at sea, Chester, who was an attorney and a close friend of Ellen's cousin, took care of the family's financial and legal affairs.



Ellen and Chester were married October 25, 1859 in New York City. Both Chester and Ellen had expensive tastes and Ellen was described as an elegant hostess. She must have been a charming guest too since an acquaintance remembered during her once a year visits how she smiled sweetly, talked kindly, and even remembered the servants names. She was socially aware of her obligations. If only she had lived to become First Lady she would have really thrived in this role!

During the Civil War, Chester had a brief military career for the North while Ellen "quietly but firmly" supported the south. 

Chester's routine was to stay up late with the guys smoking, drinking, talking politics, until 2:00-3:00 am, come home and go to bed, get up at 1:00 pm to go to work and begin this routine again.

All while Ellen is home tending the children.

Needless to say, there was tension in their marriage.

In 1880, after 20 years of marriage she caught pneumonia either from the exhaustion of having just returned from France to bring home her mother's remains, or from waiting out in the cold in January waiting for a carriage ride.

In Gentleman Boss, it says that Chester stayed at her bedside until she died. However, Carl Anthony says in Susan Swain's new book that he was away in Albany in business when she died. He was governor of New York at the time.



In either case, Ellen's death, at age 42, deeply grieved Chester. He regretted his treatment of her.  He never married again. 

When he was president, he donated a window to St. John's Episcopal Church in her memory and required that it be placed on the south side of the church which he could see from his private quarters at the White House.

This is the window, "to the glory of God and in memory of Ellen Lewis Herndon Arthur: Entrance into life January 12, 1880



Daily he had fresh flowers brought to the White House to be placed beside her photo.

It would have been fascinating to have Ellen as a first lady. She seemed born and bred for the role. 

And we can see from Chester's life to treasure our spouse while they are here. We may not always have them.

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Lucretia Garfield: Patience Pays Off

It is horrible to be a man. But the grinding misery of being a woman between the upper and nether millstone of household cares and training children is almost as bad. To be half civilized with some aspirations for enlightenment, and obliged to spend the largest part of the time the victim of young barbarians keeps one in a perpetual ferment.

– Lucretia Garfield to James Garfield, June 5, 1877

The above quote was the only thing I knew of Lucretia Garfield before I read Crete and James: Personal Letters of Lucretia and James Garfield edited by JohnShaw. I expected a bitter and complaining woman, but she really was not. She must have written this quote on a bad day!  She had plenty of opportunity in her life to be a bitter and complaining woman, but she choose patience and forgiveness which paid off to giving her a long happy life.



Lucretia Garfield was well educated in the classics and had been a college teacher of French, algebra, and Latin among other things before she married James. But after she married James and began to have children her time was spent in taking care of them and her household including James’ mother and some boarders from time to time. In their letters James and Lucretia reference a lot of classical literature that went way over my head.

The source of most of her need for patience and forgiveness was James himself. He had begun a correspondence with her and her letters were very affectionate and flowery. James and Lucretia talked of marriage, but in person Lucretia must not have been as affectionate. James ended up marrying her out of a sense of duty. What a way to start out! In their first 5 years of marriage, they only lived together for 20 weeks. Part of that time he fought in the Union army and part of that time he was campaigning but there was a lot of that time he was on trips for pleasure or to scope out some land for a friend. Or to visit a mistress. There were two affairs which Lucretia knew about that were mentioned in this book. In addition, there was a mutual friend with whom James spent a lot of time with on a particular visit home. Oh, at that mutual friend happened to be a boarder. Cormac O’Brien in Secret Lives of First Ladies alludes to more affairs. But Lucretia remains a steadfast spouse despite her lack of trust. A painful part of the correspondence to read was where Lucretia finally for the first time referred to herself as a trusting wife. This was after one affair had been discovered and broken off and just after the couple and been bonded together by experiencing the death of their 3 year old firstborn.  But what does James do right after this trusting comment?  While in Washington he begins another affair!

Lucretia finds out, James breaks it off, and Lucretia works again and forgiving and trusting.

At this point in the correspondence I am disgusted by James. How could he do that to his wife?

But the rest of their life is all uphill and by the end, I am amazed at their genuine love and respect for each other. The next jump start in their relationship is from a 4 month trip to Europe the two of them take together. Then James builds a home in Washington for the whole family and from then on they aren’t separated as much.

It’s interesting to read letters between a couple. It’s like being a fly on a wall eavesdropping in on a conversation. Although James makes a comment at one point wondering if anyone in the future would read their words to each other.

James Garfield is shot shortly after he is inaugurated as president in 1881 and suffers for a few months with Lucretia by his side before he dies.

Lucretia lives many more years until she passes away in 1918. Since this was a book of letters between them, the book ends in 1881, but according to firstladies.org Lucretia remains very active in her intellectual pursuits like literary circles and even designing and engineering things for her home in Ohio and her home in Pasadena, CA.

It would have been very easy for Lucretia to emotionally check out of her marriage. But she didn’t. She patiently stayed committed and chose to forgive and move forward. This paid off as she spent many years in a genuinely warm and loving marriage which was both emotionally fulfilling and intellectually stimulating.

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Lucy Hayes: Setting the Stage for the Change from Ball Gown to Business Suit

 

If you asked someone today what a first lady does, they would probably mention a lady who tries to better America by picking a non-partisan social issue and being a spokesperson on that issue (think Just Say No with Nancy Reagan or childhood obesity with Michele Obama.) So far in my first lady readings, though, their role has been as hostess of receptions and parties at the White House. At what point and with which lady is that transition made from ball gown to business suit?



Lacy Hayes is certainly not that first lady, but through her first lady experience I can see that the stage is being set in the American public for a first lady with a platform. Lucy Hayes was a religious woman and she and Rutherford agreed on a temperance policy for their own family and home. They kept that policy in the White House and choose not to serve alcohol in the White House. The American Temperance movement was SO excited! With Rutherford’s election they thought they would certainly now have a national spokeswoman and really make some progress with their push for prohibition. To their great disappointment and despite their constant pleading, Lucy refused to join or lead any temperance group. She felt that her decision should not be pushed onto others. But she would be faithful to her personal convictions.

 

The leadership position Lucy did accept was after her White House days.  She became National President of Women’s Home Missionary Society of Methodist Episcopal Church. This role fit Lucy since she was devoted to the church. And although she left most of the work to the vice-president and periodically tried to resign, she did give speeches in this role. In 1888, her last speech before her death, her speech concerned the southern Negros “still in chains to the ignorance and vice of generations of bondage,” the crime against women in Utah (polygamy of the Mormons), the increase of immigrants, and the hardship and poverty of preachers in the wilderness areas. The Missionary Society was effective. There were 40,000 members and supported 42 missionaries.

 

Lucy had always been a person who lived her convictions. Her biography, First Lady: The Life of Lucy Webb Hayes by Emily Apt Geer, actually included an incident from her childhood. As a young school girl there were some German immigrants in her school. At recess the other children would pick on them and were mean to them but Lucy took them away from the other children and taught them to cut paper dolls. How brave! Living out what was right even if it was not what others were doing.

Rutherford and Lucy Hayes wedding portrait

 

Rutherford and Lucy had a happy, close marriage. Rutherford’s love letters and diary entries are delightful! They had mutual friends and knew of each other when Lucy was a teen. Rutherford’s mother and sister bothered him about Lucy Webb and prodded him to get to know her. They spent some time together while Lucy was in college, but Rutherford was interested in someone else at the time. Then both Rutherford and Lucy were in a wedding party for mutual friends and that seemed to jump start their romance. Rutherford wrote great love letters and also delightful diary entries. For example: “I guess I am a great deal in love with- Her low sweet voice…her soft rich eyes…intellect she has, too- a quick spritely one, rather than a reflective profound one-by George I am in love with her!” Lucy did not write near as much as Rutherford did but when she did it was sweet like “I must confess Dear R you are more frequently in my thoughts than I ever imagined possible… If only you knew what a great man you are.”

 

She had five children who lived past toddlerhood. Three boys were young adults by 1876 when the Hayes’ came to the white house. The other 2, a girl and a boy, were elementary schoolers.

Her family was her priority and her life. It was a happy and supportive family.

 

Lucy had a couple of firsts. She was the first first lady to graduate from college. She was the first to have a telephone and running water in the White House. She was also the first FLOTUS (so far as I can tell from biographies) to have her babies delivered by a doctor. That doctor was her brother!

 

In June of 1889, Lucy passed away of a stroke while she was sitting in her rocking chair sewing in their home. She was 57.

 

In Lucy’s life time I see that at least some of the American public is asking for the First Lady to have a platform or political project of her own. Although she did not do so as First Lady, she did have a leadership role in an organization after the White House. So I see the role of First Lady one step further away from the ball gown and towards the business suit approach to the modern first lady.

 

 

p.s. I bought my copy of the biography on betterworldbooks.com, a used copy. It was an ex-library book, but it was signed by the author and there was a newspaper photo taped to the back page of when the author came to this library and presented her new book to the library and gave a speech on Lucy Hayes. What a great used book find!