How does a mom of boys parent her sons? This is not a new question. Edith Roosevelt, TR’s wife and the First Lady who brought us to the 20th century, had four curious, adventurous boys.
How did Edith manage her boys? Here are 6 tips from Edith’s
life:
Let Dad play rough.
Edith knew to let Dad play
with the boys. Gifford Pinchot, the Chief Forester of the USA, came to visit when
Teddy was Governor of New York State. When he arrived the mansion was “under
ferocious attack from a band of invisible Indians, and the Governor was helping
a houseful of children to escape by lowering them out of a second-story window
on a rope.” After everyone was safe, Gifford and TR had a friendly boxing
match, then they got down to discussing their business.
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| Theodore Roosevelt and his sons Ted Jr, Archie, Quentin, Kermit |
Give them space.
Edith was privileged to live in
large places that provided outdoor space for her boys to play. But she also
recognized that her husband needed space, too, which was hard to find at their
home, Sagamore Hill, and at the White House when both were constantly swarming
with things and people demanding his attention. So Edith purchased a wooded lot
in Virginia far off the beaten path complete with a rustic cabin called Pine Knot.
Unfinished inside and no road access, this cabin was little more than a roof
over your head with a fireplace. And when the pressures of life were too much,
the Roosevelts could retreat to the cabin with just their family. Of course,
Edith secretly had Secret Service men hiding in the woods for protection, but
Teddy didn’t know. He would have just said he didn’t need it. Edith knew not to
tell him so he could keep sense of adventure.
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| Pine Knot, Roosevelt's rustic get away |
Major on the majors.
Edith had lots of
opportunities to choose her battles when it came to her son, Quentin, who was
an elementary schooler while in the White House. Apparently in school, Quentin
was doing things like dancing when coming into the classroom and drawing
instead of doing math problems. The teacher had enough and asked the parents to
come in for a conference. Teddy and Edith wrote to the teacher: “If you find
him defying your authority or committing any serious misdeeds let me know and I
will whip him…” but “I should not be called in merely for such offenses.” Edith
had another chance to pick her battles when Kermit was five. During church, he
pulled out a baby tooth. He was so excited, he held it up so everyone could
see. Edith just pretended to be deep in prayer.
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| Edith and Quentin |
Let them have adventure.
Quentin led a group of
young boys in Washington who were called “The White House Gang.” They would climb
on the White House roof and roll a snowball down onto a guard. They fired
spitballs at Andrew Jackson’s portrait. They climbed magnolia trees on the
White House grounds. They attacked TR with pillows during a sleepover. When
Edith was hosting an Italian statesman for tea, Quentin and his gang hid in the
skylight to spy on them. They began to mimic Italian while pretending to have a
monocle. Edith heard them, looked up, and called “Quentin!” The Italian looked
up in surprise and dropped his eyeglass into his tea. When her boys were older,
she encouraged and allowed adventure on a grander scale. Teddy of course, had
always been adventurer at his ranch out west. The boys were able to go along
with dad various times for weeks at a time. After the White House years, Teddy
and Kermit went on a National Geographic sponsored safari to Africa. As they
pulled away for their year-long adventure, Kermit noted that Mom looked
perfectly calm and self-possessed although he was sure that her heart was
almost broken. Teddy and Kermit also went on a Brazilian expedition into parts
that had not yet been explored along the Paraguay River. Kermit, who was
working for the Brazilian railroad at the time was given 6 months off to join
Dad on this adventure. Later they also went on a hunting expedition in Central
Asia.
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| Roosevelt boys falling in line with the White House guards |
Keep the lines of communication open.
When her
boys were away at school and later when they were around the world working and
fighting in the military, she visits them and writes to them. Other first
ladies have written to their children. But many look like lectures on paper.
Edith writes with love and respect and gives advice gently as suggestion not as
a demand. She speaks well of her husband to her children and he speaks well of
her.
"You cannot bring up boys to be eagles and expect them to turn out as sparrows".
Grandchildren later noted that Edith often said
this phrase, possibly to soothe her soul when the boys were in their military
service. All four of her boys fought in World War I. Perhaps this phrase also comforted her when
she found out about the death of Quentin. He had been shot down behind enemy
lines. Unfortunately, Edith went on to see two more of her boys die. Kermit
struggled to be useful in the military throughout his adult life. He tried to
self-medicate through alcohol. He finally ended the struggle by committing
suicide in June of 1943.To protect her heart, Edith was told Kermit died of
heart failure. Ted, Jr. was the oldest man at 56 to be in the first invasion
wave on D Day. He died of heart failure in July 1944 as he was working from a mobile
station planning the next attack on the Germans. He was buried with full
military honors with General Patton as one of the pallbearers. Lieutenant
Colonel Archibald Roosevelt fought well in World War I and II. He also actively
tried to rid the U.S of socialism throughout the fifties and sixties. He died
in 1979 at 85 years old.
Edith Roosevelt also raised her step-daughter Alice and her
own daughter Ethel. She extended the same opportunities for adventure and
independence to her girls, too. Balancing love and limits works for raising
both boys and girls.
Edith lived almost thirty years after TR died in 1919. She
died in 1948. Her widowhood years showed her own sense of adventure as she
traveled the world both to visit her family and for vacations. She also procured
Mortlake Manor for herself while keeping a tight rein on her investments and
household expenses. She came through the Depression relatively unscathed
although towards the end she had to tighten her purse strings and was not able
to travel every single time the thought presented itself. She was wise in her household
both towards the people in her care and towards the wealth with which she was
entrusted.
Information from this
blog is from Sylvia Jukes Morris’ biography Edith Kermit Roosevelt, Portrait of
A First Lady. (Note: the following link is an affiliate link. Read the disclosure policy here.)
